He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
