I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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