you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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