It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't turn off my feet"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
