My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
