he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
