you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
