I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I CAN MOONWALK!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
