Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We have started to decorate penises.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
