I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
