i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
bring money and cleavage
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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