your room smells of hookers.
And success
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
