Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
