I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize