I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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