When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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