Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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