I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
