is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
