make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬