She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
