Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.