Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
