That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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