do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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