Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it was like eating out sand paper
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
