Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
