Betty ford says i'm here all night
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
