..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I faked an abortion last night.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
