May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
