just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
