Non-Jews are for practice
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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