Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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