First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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