I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
