Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize