We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
