ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
