Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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