So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
