Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
