there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
