So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
