So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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