I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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