Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I need to stop coming to work sober
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
