How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
