if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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