i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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