do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
