I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
