you turned your livingroom into a bong?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
