Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize