it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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