Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
