I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
