He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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