the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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