i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
