Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
