Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
