Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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