I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
