It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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