remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize