Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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