so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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