whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
