this beer tastes like vomit already
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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