I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
